About UsOur Blogger Profile
Introducing Au and Target
Star Purina Basket Prize
Ellen's Writing Credits
Easy UpdatesSubscribe in a reader
Subscribe by Email
Follow Au On Twitter
Follow Ellen on Facebook
Cat FriendsJust Sharlene
Chey's Place
Combat Loaded and Mission Ready
Kareltje en Ikke
Pam: Mom's Mutterings
Beaded Tail
My Hodge-Podge
Cat With A Garden
Kiti-Kata-San's Blog
Mishcat
Cats of the Wildcat Woods
The Fluffies
Lupie
One Day At A Time Ginger
Twylah and Ebie
Everything Fun Under The Sun
We Love Luna
Millie's House
Mitzi and Bella's Purrings
A House With Two Cats
The Island Cats
My Cats And Funny Stories
Fun In The Sun
Dora
Jewel Girl's Cats
Monika Rose
MizzyN Kancing Itu Butang
Boo Bah
House of Groomers
Friends Furry Farm
Luv They Pet
The Whiskeratti
Katz Tales is listed at:
Technorati Profile
View My Stats
I have two new books out! Click on the images above for free sneak peeks. |
|
Tuesday, December 15, 2009 Au Speaks Out: How To Trayn Yor Hooman Survants As Au's language is too sophisticated for some audiences, he allows his personal servant Ellen Whyte to write the columns and the book in her own way. However, as Ellen has been invited to the NTV7 Breakfast Show today that runs from 830AM to 10AM, (you can see it online here now) Au has agreed very graciously to type his own message… Helo reederz. i dont do intervoows ewesualee but aftur my big suksess Au Reveals All my feemale survant begged an begged an begged so i sed OK as long as yoo make me a hole rost chikkin. i am a verry kind kat. i no i spoil hur.  Although i am now famus bekuz of the feemale writing storees abowt me al the time, i live a very simpel life. i haf onlee two survants: the male and the feemale. Dey serve me 5 or 6 meels a day plus a few simpel snaks like ham or cheez wen i wan sumfing spesial. I sleep on the sofa or on the bed or on the rug. Yoo kan see me sleeping in the pikchure. My onlee luksury is that i haf 3 kardbord bokses of my own. One upstairs, one downstairs and a small garden boks. Although i like the simpel life, i heer that sum katz kannot get even one proper devoted survant. i haf herd of katz hoo DON EVEN GET MEELS SERVED ON DEMAND!!! So tooday i want to share with thos poor katz sum tips on how to trayn yor hooman. In this furst lesson we will diskuss how to get yor hooman survants to feed yoo wen yoo want it, not wen dey feel like it. Hoomans ar stoopid so be payshunt. i dont believe in ewsing the klaw bekos it's kruel. Hoomans kant help not having brainz like katz. Insted, ewes purrs to enkourage dem wenever dey get sumthing rite. Keep it simpel. Start during the day wen yor survant is awake. A good time is wen dey ar kwiatlee watching TV or reeding a buk. First, rub an ankel to get attenshun, then look up, purr loudlee, say meow follow me, and take a step towards the kitshun where the big white boks with the food is. Wen yoo start to walk to the kitshun, look behind yoo to make sure the hooman is following. If yor survant dusn't get the message, go bak and start again. Meow and purr until dey look yoo in the eye. Think food thots at them. Yoo kan also be kunning. Purr nicelee. This will make dem want to stroke yor soft beeowtiful fur. Wen dey reech for yoo, step a little bit away. Wen dey half stand up to touch yoo, meow loudlee in praise, purr again, and take another step away. Always move towards the kitshun. Yor hooman will then say sumthing stoopid like, what do yoo want then littel fuzz? Dont hiss at dem in temper! Remember, hoomans ar not klever like katz. Just meow payshuntlee, purr to enkourage, and walk dem firmlee to the kitshun. Once yoo haf yor hooman in the kitshun, tap the big white boks where the food is with yor paw. Yor hooman will say, do yoo want sum food then? Again, dont hiss sarkastiklee. Dont klaw dem in frustrayshun. Praise yor hooman with purrs and meows for getting the messsage. Remember: yor survant kan't help being slow. Important poynt: wen the survant puts down the bowl of food, remember to reeward dem. Rub an ankel and purr loudlee. This is not a waste of time but forwurd thinking: the better yor survant feels abowt dooing this simpel task, the eesier it is to get dem to repeet it. Once yor hooman is trayned to get up and feed yoo during sun time, yoo kan start dem on dark time. Hoomans ar funny abowt dere sleep. Start by wakening dem an hour before dey ewsuallee get up. Jump up in the bed, and follow the rooteen. Be payshunt but firm! Purr dem awake and then meow dem owt of bed. If dey hide under the pillow, insert a paw and tikkel dare nose. If dey kover dare face with dare arms, give dem friendlee enkouraging hedbutts. If dey hide under the blankett, walk up and down onn dem. A badlee trayned survant may throw a pillow at yoo. That's OK. Just stand round the korner of the bedrum door and meow from a posishun of safety till dey get up. Then reward yor grumpy hooman with ekstra purrs. Yoo kan get bak at dem later for the pillow by waking dem at 1AM, 2AM and 3AM the nekst night, demanding food and then not eeting it. I sed don ewse the klaw. I didnt say yoo shud spoil dem! Katz Tales, Living Under The Velvet Paw is out in bookshops now. Price RM28 ISBN: 978-967-3035-64-9. For a free sneak peak and free sample story, visit http://www.lepak.com/katztalesbook.html Au says, "buy the buk! Not only is it filed with wunnerful stories al abowt me but 10% of the feemale's share wil go to help owt kitties hoo ar living withowt the benefit of pershunal servants." If you want to keep in touch with Katz Tales updates, here are some simple ways: Subscribe to Katz Tales in a reader Subscribe to Katz Tales by Email Follow KatzTalesTweets on Twitter  For more cats, check out Gattina who hosts Cats on Tuesday.Labels: Au, Au speaks out, Cats On Tuesday posted by katztales @ 2:37 AM | 19 comments
Comments:
Hi Ellen,
I love your articles. Never once I missed it in Weekenders. LOL. How's Target? Referring to your comment on 7th Nov, Umm, bad break-up? I would say, it taught me a lesson to see something which I haven't experienced. It's just a flow going on. The last stanza was about Fight Club which the character, Tyler had left some impact on my mind. LOL. Thanks for the message. :) ~Debbie~
Hahaha ! My cats would need an advice how to stop the male human to feed them all the time, each time a cat comes just for a little hello, he gets up to give some food and the cat isn't even hungry, lol !
Re Rosie, every morning I find a mousie in either the food or the water bowl, she keeps on doing it !
We are going to start our mom on this training schedule RIGHT NOW! We hope it's not too late for her as we heard they learn more easily when younger.
Purrs, Siena & Chilli
Wonderful interview! I'll have to learn this lessons to train my humans.
I can't let Rosie see your photo, though, too riskay. cindy
Now I found you! Okay Ellen, can you please email me in this address please?
beaulah six at gee mail dot com in regards to buying your cat book. i promised long ago that i would buy one and i must fulfill my promise. a while ago, i asked luna et all if she's the one who writes the cat book, and here you are! bedtime for me now, i shall return to read more. please write a subject line cat book so I won't spam you. thanks ellen.
We all want som rooost chiken too!
We likes howz you gets it! Wes puorrr alot so hoomans surv us too! We are your fans! :)
Bonnie: email sent...
You can buy Katz Tales in all sorts of book shops and online. Check here http://www.lepak.com/katztalesbook.html
That was too funny, Au! You need to repeat this to Sassie. She doesn't like food from the big white box. Only her dry cat food.
Peeve will eat whatever and has gotten your instructions down perfectly. P.S. Sorry about not getting around to answering your question about sci-fi before now. I can barely get to the computer anymore! Arrgh! The last sci-fi I read was called Rion by Susan Kearney. It is part of a series entitled The Pendragon Legacy. It's okay, but heavy on the romance scenes. The publicists from Hachette usually send me mysteries, romance, and chick lit types of books, but no sci-fi. I usually just read what they send because that keeps me covered up!
Dear Au,
Thank you for being so payshun with me last night and leading me to the kitshun big white box to get you ham. I liked it when you took the ham from my fingers. It was a big honour. Let's make a date for me to feed you ham and tasties again.
Je schrijft geweldige artikelen Ellen :-)
Post a Comment
Je word nog eens wereld beroemd hihihih... Succes meid Ik gun het je knuffels Kareltje =^.^= Links to this post: |
